Enjoying Your Existence When You Don’t Feel the Energy to Elevate

I burrowed deep under my comforter and drew a massive sigh. I was tapped out, feeling done with the day and ready to disappear. But I couldn’t. I had a family to feed, a house to clean, laundry to move to the dryer. And it was 3:12 p.m.

I was unable to recall the last time I didn’t feel burnt out before the end of the day. Every morning when I opened my eyes, the day was too busy, too full, too much… and I guess God just hadn’t given me adequate energy to handle it all. But I had responsibilities, and quitting wasn’t an option. I simply had to resign myself to the fact that this was my life, and it wasn’t going to change. 

Unless I chose to change it.

The thought was an epiphany, unique enough to cause me to pull my covers below my chin and stew on the notion—toy with it before it left me. How had I not realized earlier that, if I didn’t make proactive changes to my daily routine, I would never experience a different outcome? It seemed obvious, yet I didn’t know where to begin. What changes could I possibly even make when I was as busy as I was? About five events each day cluttered my calendar app—and this was in the summertime, when we were supposed to be enjoying our time off from sports, school, and extracurriculars. I couldn’t even devote time to thinking about ways to change my life now—what would happen come autumn?

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I finally pulled myself out of bed and wandered into the kitchen. I popped open my Costco-sized bag of tortilla strips and began munching away, chewing on the fact that my life needed changing yet I had no time in which to change it. 

“What’s for snack?” one of my daughters asked.

“I don’t know. A granola bar,” I answered absentmindedly, my mind on the family calendar.

Schedules were just too tricky to adjust. I wasn’t realistically going to drop my beach trips, pool days, playdates, or girls’ nights. And yet, as I shoveled food into my mouth at an alarming rate while standing at my kitchen counter, I wondered—was there any way to make this moment better? 

There was currently nothing desirable, beautiful, or sweet about this animalistic moment of inhaling food in a rush at my counter. Efficiency was my excuse, but it somehow didn’t seem to help free up any room in my schedule at all. What if, instead, I was brainstorming a way to make this ugly moment beautiful?

I recalled a quote I’d heard recently—that, “Beauty is the gatekeeper of the good and the true.” Beauty was important, even in my rushed and frazzled day. Therefore, it was my job to curate beauty. But how was I supposed to create such splendor when my days felt so chaotic?

Swapping it Out

I mused over this dilemma (and finished the chips) and, in the weeks that followed, began experimenting with simple swaps in the midst of our crazy schedule. Instead of adding new items to my agenda, I looked for ways to easily trade one choice for a better one. I began taking the time to plate my meals, including just the right proportions I would feel good about consuming instead of pulling from cavernous pits (such as my beloved bag of tortilla chips or the leftovers I had eaten for lunch straight from their storage container). 

I started serving my food with intentionality and caring about how it looked—even when it was just my daughters and I at home during the day. I did this by adding a sprig of herbs as garnish or swiping strategically placed teriyaki sauce along the curve of our dinner plates. Even snacks were chosen with more thoughtfulness and at certain times of the day so that none of us were eating mindlessly. 

I elevated my beverages by simply pouring them into fancy stemware and adding a twist of lime or a sprig of lavender. Tart cherry juice from Trader Joes and Limoncello La Croix became my go-to favorite, served in a thin-stemmed coupe glass from Crate and Barrel. My daughters, however, preferred a house-infused (yes, our house–ha!) lavender simple syrup with Limoncello La Croix and a frothy egg white top. 

It was a bit more work, but I was surprised to realize I was having fun doing it while also feeling more energized in the process. And, as a bonus, I got to demonstrate to my daughters that patience is a virtue, that good things are worth waiting for, that the celebration of a moment as mundane as mealtime can be an opportunity for joy. The audible trill of delight from my girls as they receive a striking mocktail doesn’t hurt, either.

Honoring these simple moments led to a mindset shift that surprised me. I was swapping feelings of hopelessness of ever finding energy again for curiosity about realistic ways to achieve this elusive energy goal. Swapping envy from looking at other ladies’ apparent energy abundance for gratitude as I paid more attention to what I already have. It wasn’t just food and dishware choices I was swapping, but feelings as well.

Sweating it Out

The success I had found in these simple swaps led to curiosity about what other changes I could make to combat burnout, and sweating became my next discovery as a non-negotiable. Incorporating just fifteen minutes a day of strength training felt a lot more doable than the forty-five I had previously aimed for and rarely attained, and doing it through a program at home was more realistic than hoping I would drag myself to the gym sometime. 

I knew thanks to Elle Woods from the chick flick classic Legally Blonde that “exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy!” And joy and increased energy were my greatest goals. I now work out with a friend once a week and on my own at least several others. Applying the effort can be difficult, but my commitment to working out has increased my energy rather than pulled from it, and the physical changes to my body feel like a bonus.

There is an irony to the fact that fighting burnout often seemed to involve pivoting away from the direction I was currently heading and running in the opposite one. Treating fatigue by working (out) harder? Combating my intrinsic need to “hurry” by sitting down with slow and mindful intentionality? Refocusing my negative thoughts on positive ones? The energy boosts these things gave me were enough to inspire me to look for more.

Soaking It In

Soaking became my next identifiable priority. It became obvious that soaking—both literally and figuratively—not only rejuvenated me but brought me considerable joy. I’m a bath girl. Candles, mood lighting, a near-boiling clawfoot bathtub full of water, epsom salts, and bubbles do wonders for dispelling my stress levels. 

I often set myself up for success with a glass of something to sip and a couple of squares of 85% dark, high-quality chocolate on a tray across my tub. I either play a podcast or show from my phone, read a book, or close my eyes. Everyone knows that I am not to be bothered during bath time…and the metamorphosis that occurs during those twenty-some minutes I have all to myself is astounding. I emerge a much calmer and happier person. But soaking is not done only in my bathtub—I’m also soaking in time with my creator. What this looks like rotates on a regular basis. Some days, it means indulging in a worthy book. Other days, it means journaling. I have restarted my old gratitude journal, and just five minutes of writing in it helps calm my chronically multitasking mind. Choosing to wake up early to read my Bible (rather than waiting for the inevitably jarring awakening from one of my sweet daughters) centers my day with intention. And, other times, it simply means praying. Either way, attaching the word “soaking” to it enhances the experience in a way that is genuine. I really am basking in it, steeping myself in it, and blocking out all other noise for as much time as I can afford.

Sleeping On It

Finally, I recognized sleep as being my ultimate power tool, while lack of it was my kryptonite. It took about ten years for me to realize I need more sleep than my husband in order to be a kind and loving human the following day, and it’s my responsibility to make it happen. This means saying no to some things—which is incredibly difficult for me—especially when they fall back-to-back during weekday evenings. If I want to prioritize dancing at a live band performance in my town’s Tunes on Tuesdays show, then I’m probably going to say no to a girls’ night on Wednesday or book club on Monday. Although my initial reaction is to say yes to everything, staggering my evenings allows me the chance to recover sufficiently and be (far more) likely to treat others with grace.  

We’ve all seen studies that show how sleep affects women’s mental and emotional resilience, hormone function, immune system function, and mental stability, but I started paying attention to these things playing out in real time. My own short fuse was often directly correlated to my sleep quality the previous night. I started naming it as soon as I noticed it. 

“I think I’m really tired,” I would admit after snapping at someone. “I’m sorry. I will go to bed earlier tonight.” 

Ryze cocoa powder has been my recent go-to option for a restful sleep aid. I try to stay generally consistent in my bedtimes, and I am careful not to drink coffee after noon—I’m well into my thirties and thus have noticed how the effect of caffeine has changed for me over recent years. Hello, energizer bunny!

Final Thoughts

Of course, I don’t always attain each of these goals every day, but the simple commitment to trying to hit my four Ss—swapping, sweating, soaking, and sleeping—has spurred me to action far more than in previous years. I’ve taped this list to my bedroom wall; it’s the first thing I see when I wake up each morning because my goals are important to me. 

I’ve recognized that, to become a leading lady—which I believe means committing to being the very best possible version of myself—I have to follow a set of guidelines intended to make me thrive. 

These are mine.

Feel free to borrow them or brainstorm your own, and hopefully we will find ourselves burrowed pitifully under our covers midday a lot less often.

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This guest article was written by Kate Hiester, a former assistant editor at a Christian publishing house and a current freelance editor for faith-based novels. She lives in the Pacific Northwest with her husband, Jake, two beautiful daughters, Alivia and Brooklyn, and two silly Persian cats. She also serves as a columnist and volunteer editor for Cascade Christian Writers. Visit her online at her website.